Insomnia

He... Here, without being able to sleep. intermittent way of leaving thirds of life without living. But, oh, so necessary. Damn insomnia, says he to himself. He thinks, he squeezes his mind, and his heart vibrates with eruptions within earthquakes. He feels that he still has got the dragon deep within. He knows himself white hot and at the same time rancid. He can feel that his driftings are no longer. Nevertheless he can't yet go back to sleep. One hour or more since he awoke amid thoughts of rebellion, meanness and mistrust. He feels irascible and oh so lame at the same time.

He... Today without having felt what he desired. Today without having carpe diem. TV no longer calls him, it makes him uneasy. He'd like to go out running, driving so as to crash into a car with a family inside. He'd like to destroy something beautiful. He'd like to have done some wrong when he had the chance. So as to delight and be able to say "I deserve such disdain". But he know that his thoughts are not fair. And he'd like them to be. He knows that they're nothing but reflections from his uncontrolled heart that influences his mind bringing images that hurt, that drill in and never stop. God damn words. If he could just slip into people's mind, he could simply make them understand.

He... So distant, but so obsequious. So innocuous, yet so present. Distorted, intramuscular. It's been so easy to pass back to the sub-zero level. He's a lunatic. He's pure love. Animal. Dirty. Spotless feeling of debauchery. He can barely restrain himself. But his chains are his own. His feet and hands long for freedom, but they know they're already free. They've always been. They will always be.

He... Needs direction. Help. Insomnia is killing him now and there's no one in his net. Damn musicless Saturday. Damn early Sunday morning. It's been two hours now. He'd love to know why it is that he can't sleep if in fact he's so tranquil. He'd like to know everything. He'd like to be Hannibal Lecter. He'd like to be a big puppet, a fake, one of those snots that tear your skin when you pull them out because they're so hard. He'd like to give it all and know for sure that he's giving it right. That everything he gives will be required from him. He'd fully like to be a necessity. He'd like to be perfect. He'd like to be God. So as to always understand. So as to always forgive. So as to always love...

Spanish version